Quitting Day 1 – Today I began my attempt at #oneyearsober the most frightening thing I think I have ever tried! The idea has been in my mind for a while although not a year but to just quit for a while just to show myself (and others) that I can, but I always feel pressure if I tell people what I am doing. That has a lot to do with who I am or who people perceive I am, I put out a persona of this guy who loves a drink and has a happy relationship with drink but that is not the case most of the time. Yes I have had some fantastic times under the influence of alcohol but of late it has become a daily habit rather than something to enjoy occasionally. This is the side of me my friends don’t see they don’t see me consume two bottles of wine per night sometimes more sometimes less but a drink every single night. I have gotten so used to the way I feel everyday so much so that it has become the norm not be able to concentrate to feel sluggish until dinnertime then by teatime start again. This has been my life for so long now certainly Covid lockdown has accentuated it because drinking at home became the only option so everyday was the same and even now I do not go out on a Sunday preferring to start Sunday drinking with out roast then carrying on until late.
One year…I am not sure I can do it but I am determined to try the thing that frightens me is everything I do seems associated with alcohol and to do ALL those things for one year without it is so daunting Thanksgiving Christmas New Year Birthdays Summertime everything without alcohol?
I always consciously think about alcohol / my next drink at some point throughout the day and I intend to try and note these down and what triggered it but wonder if these thoughts will go away if I know there isn’t going to be a drink today? I am also intending to blog my journey and hopefully share my experiences here.
Rather than put it all down on day 1 I will set the scene now, In the middle of last week I quit and intended to go one year but I wasn’t ready and it lasted Tuesday and Wednesday by Thursday I knew we were going out out on Friday so thought I would “prepare” by having a drink Thursday night so that I wasn’t getting back on it while out. That sounds so weird to say but that is how I think? Amateur drinkers binge drinkers don’t drink don’t drink then go out get smashed in and are paralytic can’t get home without help and spend days recovering, I am not an amateur I put the hours in beforehand so I don’t look like them. So I drank Thursday because I was going out drinking Friday. Jamie and I went out with my pool team and their wives to the White Bear then a curry at the Blue Ginger in town followed by Kings Arms the latter was spent drinking Jack Daniels which is not my MO I get very drunk on shorts because I glug them fast and this is what happened and I do not remember going home.
I do remember laying in bed crying admitting I have a problem and that it’s time…
Days Sober 1