Tag Archive for: #oneyearsober

New Years Day and 50 Up

Beginning 2022 with COVID is frustrating because I am also beginning 2022 50 days sober and I should be feeling better than I have ever felt on January 1st but I am struggling to shake off the fatigue, lethargy and headaches. So 2022 began with a walk with Billy up to the Lime Beds I felt OK but I thought I would pack a flask of coffee and a scone and take my sweet time and I sat up there with Billy and thought about the year ahead and my sobriety.

I began sobriety a day at a time because that’s what I had to do but it has gotten easier as the days and weeks have passed, I set goals for myself and achieved them but as time’s gone on I have found that alcohol has become further from my thoughts. I am not saying it’s gone but it’s not my first thought anymore I have gone a whole day without thinking about drinking which is a big step in my opinion because it shows I am retraining my brain retraining the drinking habits into something else.

Dry January is my next goal, it should be a doddle because my last goal was a calendar month which I achieved at midnight last night so another month without Christmas and New Year partying in it, should be easier.

Self analysis is not my strong point so comparing myself after 50 days abstinence from what I was before is difficult, I have lost weight is an easy one, because I have, I don’t think I have changed anything else diet or exercise wise except alcohol so up to now over half a stone was just from drinking…! I think my sleep is deeper and less broken I guess? I have sugar cravings which I originally didn’t have but can see this as a substitute which concerns me in case that is just another habit to break? Lucozade is my chosen fix at the moment but I am also extremely thirsty all the time since contracting COVID so we’ll see once that does one! I have money in my pocket, yep I can not deny’ I have not made it to too many Januarys with a bank balance COVID isolation helps but even before that not spending money on alcohol made a big difference.

Health wise I am struggling to access that today as I felt a million dollars but by 3pm I was in bed feeling terrible Jamie said she felt her symptoms resembled a hangover and I have to agree thats exactly how I felt earlier so I went to bed for 3 hours woke up felt as bad as I did before so I took two flu tablets and drank more Lucazade and I felt ok so at the moment health depends on Morrisons Max strength flu capsuls so I will have to come back to health benefits lol

These ramblings have taken me all day and I was so motivated sat with Billy ready to blog but as my health wilted so did my motivation and creativity….

Dry January and play the guitar by next New Years Day, todays goals?

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I reckon I can do this!

Am I saying I can stay sober for a year…not sure yet, but I used a phrase yesterday which resonated with me “I am making, not having a drink the habit” and I think that’s what I am working on? It’s the daily drinking that brought me here not the special days, yesterday and Thanksgiving were relatively easy because there is a build up, a preparation time and when they come along I am ready to negotiate not drinking. If I can get into the habit of not even thinking about drinking on a “normal” day what is there left to do…?

Sparkling Water, ice and lemon

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Sobriety Update

Little update on my sobriety, most of the time it’s fine, it’s as if I have flicked the switch and I don’t even think about drinking but the real pinch point has to be after finishing work and cooking tea. This can be very difficult I think this time more than any other is my trigger, not pool or Sundays bother me right at the moment due to Covid because that’s been taken away from me for the last 18 months so home drinking is the norm now.

Fizzy water helps if I think about having a drink but even that isn’t that necessary most of the time it’s becoming a habit not to drink! I crave a biscuits or sweetness maybe a little more than usual but not much lol

Have I given up forever, I don’t think so my mind set at the moment is I am not going to drink for a year and then I will be allowed to do it again and that helps at the moment.
Jamie asked if I would start again after 12 months because her thought was why do all that just to go back but I can’t think like that yet. My main concern is sticking at it now time.

Days Sober 18

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Tough teatime

After a long day driving around 7 surgeries then coming home to finish off my work day, it was the toughest test so far to pour a glass of fizzy water and proceed to cook tea, I did though!

Once that hurdle is navigated its fine, the rest of the night’s a doddle

Days Sobee 11

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Let those without sin cast the first stone…

…or delete their social media history before picking the stone up.

There is a huge amount of “famous” people being taken to task in the media because of historic texts that contain subject matter that offends someone in the world even though the person was a teenager or slightly older and is now late 20s plus and probably a totally different person than back then.

Let me just say I am not condoning any of the “misdemeanours” anyone committed whenever it was but I also think people and times change what was accepted in the 70’s, though not right even then was not a crime nor was it frowned upon but today 40 years later we look back with open mouths at what was deemed OK back then and it got me thinking about my 51 years on this earth and what kind of person I am now, I am by no means perfect but I am definitely a better person today than I have ever been because of experience & knowledge & because of the mistakes I have made over the years. The thing is if you took all the mistakes I have made and all the bad things I have done and said then laid them all side by side without context or not mentioning who had done them everyone would think I was the worst human being ever to draw breathe!


That is what they are doing to these people in the media and it’s where social media is so bad because without context a post from your ancient history splashed across the news can ruin your career and once that paper or news cast has finished they’re onto root out the next historic tweet or post to force someone else to publicly grovel for forgiveness

I just think the people calling these people out should look at their selves and hope no-one delves into their backgrounds just incase?

Days Sober 7

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It’s not about the Kettle, let me explain.

When I was at my lowest and struggling to find my place in the world after losing my first wife, suddenly, everything seemed so hard with people telling me “Life must go on” yet it was hard living on my own it was just not something I ever contemplated or wanted!

My mood had a been yoyoing at best, and spiralling at worst, but I got up one morning went to flick the kettle on and it blew and it I just thought if white goods are against me as well I can’t cope and just burst into tears it was a new low but it had been building for weeks. I sat there crying and just then me Dad & Liz walked and were obviously concerned about the state I was in and asked what was wrong, when I told them about the kettle, my dad said we can get you a new kettle can’t we Liz.

I just thought: It’s not about the kettle!

I always remember that moment but nothing after it or at what point during 2007 it happened. I smile about it now because it’s funny but at the time I just wanted a brew!

It will be the title of my autobiography when I write it.

Days sober 6

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So, what next?

I just looked at the first 4 ‘new’ posts and I want to change the focus from why I started blogging again to what floats my boat now and think it might be interesting is look back on older post and dissect what has changed and how we have changed as people and as a family. I love putting my thoughts down in my blog but since 28 March 2010 things have changed my focus has changed I am not turning 40 or about to become a father for the first time, I am now 51 years old married with 2 children. I am somebody who has tried his best to support my family over the last 11 and a half years, anyway I can.

I have tried my best to make them happy, even if it has not always been easy, being a parent can be a lot of effort for, at times, not a lot of rewards but that is only if you fail to see the long game, the big reward is seeing the kind of people you have raised….but sometimes others have to point that out before you see it.

Marriage is different, being married to Jamie is the easy bit, we just seem to work as a couple as team as friends you name it? I live with best friend a person who I love spending time with and would do anything for, I couldn’t ask for a better mom for our children and I hope that she knows how much I appreciate her being there for me too. She has become a successful business woman after achieving her ambition of graduating and makes me proud every single day just by being herself.

I intend to blog about Jamie, Reagan and Lincoln as well as myself and try to fill in the huge gaps that not blogging for three years has left and tell our story daily if I can like I used to.

Another little project I have started is “75 questions you need to ask your parents before they die” (not because I am about to die far from it, I am just trying to answer them now to get them documented and maybe see how my answers change over the years?

Anyway for now I am really enjoying blogging and especially making this website look and perform how I want it to, I love web design and working out how to make work as mush as filling it with content.

Days Sober 5

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What if I fail?

Since I was 17 years old I have drank, on a regular basis, sometimes in moderation and sometimes not so 34 years of drinking and now I have decided to stop for one year…

I did ‘Dry January’ once and it was very tough not because I needed a drink but to stop the festivities at midnight 31st December and not take another sip for the whole month of January just because it will “do you good” By the First of February I was gagging for a drink and probably over did for days because it was a novelty. I have also stopped for a week here and a week there just for a rest but alcohol for the main has been part of my whole adult life.

So to ask myself to spend a year bereft of the thing that has accompanied my life for most of it, is daunting as well as frightening because I can not see myself succeeding yet.

Days Sober 4

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Seeing obstacles

Not saying its been an easy 3 days but it’s only been 3 days, I can still remember Friday nights feeling of drunkeness and the great time we had!

I am having regular thoughts of “triggers” moment that will be difficult to negotiate, last night I was watching football Jamie had gone to bed and the game was bad and I had a sudden craving for food which I thought nothing of but when I arrived at the fridge and opened it I was overwhelmed with the ease I could have just cracked a cider without a care and begun drinking it…? I didn’t but it was what I would normally have done to supress the disapointment \ relax me whatever reason it was a moment!

This was not a forseen obstacle this was a sudden event that I must be aware of, the obstacles I am seeing are things like 4th December walking in the Lakes with me mates this is going to be a tough one unless I tell them what I am doing I acn drive which always helps but lets face it nowadays we are not going for a long walk and a short drink we are an aging drinking society with a walking problem. Even closer Thanksgiving a big trigger but I believe I can prepare, which hopefully will allow me to enjoy it without alcohol but again I may have to admit what I am doing and why.

Last night I saw that The Hold Steady were playing in London in March and immediately thought that would be great to go down there and watch them but then realised I would have to go there and not drink. What do you do down London if you don’t drink whats the point, this says a lot of how I view enjoying anything and my association with alcohol and just how intertwined these two things are in my mind.

Pool nights are easier to think about because I can drive and that flicks a switch in my head “never drink and drive” and I never have, my problem would always be the next morning when I may have been still over the limit but I have never drank before driving so pool won’t be a problem being in a pub around drinkers or mates drinking.

I know there are going to be many obstacles but I can’t look too far ahead at the moment it has to be one day at a time and if necessary one hour at a time at high trigger points.

I know I can do this but what if I fail?

Days Sober 3

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Remembrance Sunday 2021

Woke early for a Sunday because yesterday was wasted being hungover and I needed to get washing done for school tomorrow and clear the kitchen of last nights tea. Remembrance Sunday always has a visit to the British Legion attached to it but today we decided to skip that to avoid temptation for me more than anything. I cleared some empty wine wine bottles away that had been sat in the kitchen since Thursday which didn’t bother me what did resonate with me was a conversation I heard during the parade which consisted of someone say he couldn’t wait to go out on the 18th November for a few beers with his mates, this immediately got me thinking I can’t do that for one year, if I go out it’s for a coke and a chat Uh!

Sober Sunday it is 1:45pm and I am doing ok apart from that tiredness of the day after the day after, but still determined. I am interested in the health benefits heading my way because no alcohol will need to processed so I weighed myself last week and I am 14st 7lbs so there’s a starting point.

Football tonight starts at 21:25 but I don’t associate watching the Broncos with alcohol so I don’t see a problem with that

Daily hurdle (weekdays),

“Teatime” especially if Jamie is working, I am working from home and as I finish work (in the kitchen) my normal go to is to open a cider or pour a glass of wine. I really need to start drinking water in an afternoon to quench my thirst and detract from that teatime urge. Cooking tea alone is a real drink moment and I can never just have one unless by one I mean one bottle of cider followed by one bottle of wine maybe that would be enough!

Do I control alcohol or does alcohol control me?

Both, I would say when I am in control it is the best thing I do I love it I have had lots of great times but when it’s in control it robs me of the memories of whole nights when I can’t stop until I’m unconscious. Sitting with Jamie having a drink in the garden during summer is one of life’s great pleasures but not being able to remember our wedding party is awful and makes me feel stupid and disgusting. Sharing a bottle of red over Sunday lunch is the perfect way to end the week, waking up at 2am midweek still downstairs and dragging myself to bed because alcohol need me to be alone so we can finish what we started at teatime makes me feel weak and pathetic?

I have spent 35 years in an abusive relationship with alcohol and the control is at best a 50 50 split so lets see if I can take control for 1 year!

Days Sober 2

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