I never saw myself as a dad, it was just one of those life decisions you make knowing “you can’t miss something you’ve never had” (as the saying goes), but things can happen and your outlook can change. Now I am a dad it frightens me to think that I may have missed out on the joy it has brought me just because I thought I didn’t need or want children?

Reagan is coming up to 8 weeks old and the thing I have noticed most is how attached you become over that short space of time, from nervously taking a baby into your arms, moments after it enters the world not even knowing how to hold it or what to do with it, to now where I don’t know how I went so long without feeling the joy in my heart everytime I see her which I hope never wears off. The fact that I would do anything to make her happy and could not live a moment without her no matter how tired or stressed or frustrated she makes me because it pales into insignificance when whe looks at you and smiles just because its you.

After almost 8 short weeks I already know I would do anything for that little girl I call my daughter!

Yes, I am still learning the ropes and that will probably always be the case but I hope the learning curve isn’t quite so steep as it was at first for me. The best thing you can have to help you become a good dad is a fabulous wife! “behind every great man there has to be a great woman!” well I’m not sure about her being behind me because she seems to be in front leading the way in everything we do? Jamie is everything Reagan and me could ever need all rolled into one, she just makes things all that bit easier by rolling up her sleeves and getting on with it! If she has one weakness it’s a lack of self belief which is absolutely incredible to me when you hear her in one breath say “I have waited for my whole life to meet you Reagan, you are my life” then in the next breath doubt everything she’s doing as a mom and think herself a failure?

Jamie brings it all together with her devotion to both of us and we really do appreciate it, and I have to tell her never doubt herself just stand back and look at how very happy and healthy Reagan is you’re doing everything right DUDE!

Reagan for me just makes me warm inside, to see her react to my face or smile when I talk, it’s not wind and it annoys me when people say it is. When you talk to her it absolutely facinates me to watch her eyes flick from my eyes to my mouth watching how I shape it and listening to the sound and then watching her face as she tries to shape her mouth and work out how much air to blow out to make a sound and then try and put it all together. Tonight I got her to say “mama” twice in a matter of 3 minutes and caught them both on video, we played them back and Jamie wasn’t convinced but I am and I am also convinced that by this time next week she will be saying mama all the time! Watch this space!

I want to finish today by saying becoming a dad is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and if anyone reading this is thinking of choosing not to have kids just think about that decision again and make sure you’ve made the right one, before its to late to do anything about it! Finally, if I was granted just one wish I would wish that any couple who can’t have a baby, be granted one because that’s just not fair!

After last nights England performance, one of the worst I’ve seen, it was nice to see the sun out and a good day for walking around Middlewich taking in the annual boat festival. Unfortunately at 3 am this morning I drunkenly walked into a wall on the way to the bathroom and woke Reagan up so Jamie had been up since then with her when I opened me eyes at 07:30 (I was not flavour of the month, lets just say!)

First job then to atone for my sins was to take Reagan with me and take Jack for a walk, giving Jamie a couple of hours to sleep and rest up. We walked into town purchasing a coffee, a sausage bap with red sauce on it and a newspaper and went to sit by the canal to read and eat breakfast! While I did this Jack, who is practically blind, got lost in the tall grasses and I watched him walk into one of the sluices while was totally frozen wondering if I would ever see him again? I ran over to him but luckily he turned and retraced his steps and I grabbed his collar and dragged him to safety, he was on the lead for the rest of the walk!

Our friends Rob and Emma were joining us for the boat festival with their two boys Matt and Ben they arrived and we all walked to the Kings lock where the bands were just setting up and we sat for a while and watched the world and Matt on the bouncy slide. When the sun was out it was lovely and warm but the clouds and a cool breeze made us all reach for a warm top at times. We were hungry so we set off along the canal past all the stalls and entertainers to the Big Lock where we sat inside and listened to a lady singer and ate our chips and burgers although I plumped for the Cumberland sausage bap topped with black-pudding (and it made think of Pam LOL!) Next stop the Newton Brewery and a beer in the beer garden while Rob went in search of his youth on tyre swings using the excuse that he was “looking after Matt” ….whatever? (it did look fun though hahaha)

I was very impressed with one of his parenting skills that I will be definitely be incorporating at the earliest opportunity and that is the RULE “if it sells beer we can go there but if it doesn’t we can’t” genius! So when Matt was walking past a playground pleading with his dad to go on there he was told “you know the rule!” and it worked and when we walked past a pub with swings and he asked the same question the answer was “What’s the rule?” the answer was “Yes!” and the swings were his….and dads!

Rounding the day off with a quick stop at the Cheese it was difficult to leave but we’re parents now with responsibilities so drinking on into the night was just not an option although very tempting, we got Reagan back to the house bid farewell to our friends (which took half an hour lol) and ate tea got Reagan ready for bed and she fell fast asleep without a story, so we are going to watch the movie Sandlot in a short while when mommy gets out of the hot bath she’s wallowing in right now the laaaaazy…..

Not as successful of a night than last night (on daddy’s watch) but I still think we are heading in the right direction I think she will get used to the routine but it will be a slow process. She will benefit from not hearing mommy snoring and trumping really loudly right next to her.

Took the car in to be assessed this morning and discussed with the lads there what I want them to do, basically look over it and tell me if its worth sticking with or not…my guess is not but they may surprise me. Either way we have to have a car now Reagan is here also because Jamie needs the freedom

Mommy was really stressed this morning and when I got home from work at dinner she was at her wits end. Reagan had been very needy all morning and would eat then scream which definitely not like her but while I was there she managed to get her in her cot and a sleep for a bit which annoyed Jamie because it looked like she was lying hahaha but I know she wasn’t. I left them both to go back to work and believe it was a better afternoon for them.

I got Reagan ready as soon as I got home later and took her out with me and Jack this was as much for me, because I love walking with her, it makes me feel proud as punch to do it!, as it was for Jamie and to give her an hour free of the responsibility of looking after Reagan. It worked because Jamie and Reagan felt better and we all had a pretty good evening and it was Jamie’s turn to bath dress and settle Reagan with a story so we’ll see if it’s better night tonight?

Reagan slept until 04:30 last night on her own which was great considering she was put in her cot at 22:00 the best thing was that Jamie felt she slept better because of it which has to be good . After 04:30 Reagan struggled to settle back down to sleep but like I have just told Jamie we have to start somewhere and this was a success!

Back to work today was a little painful but I was soon into the swing of things boo 🙁

Jamie went out and bought our baby monitor today and we did the Phoenix Nights Paddy and Max thing of “can you hear me now?” as we got further away from the mic lol!

While out, the car played up a little, Jamie said the engine light came on…it’s been using oil quite a bit since we got it but its getting worse and I fear it maybe terminal! If you gradually gain speed it’s fine but if you press the accelerator hard it sometimes coughs and splutters and kicks out a plume of smoke, it also is loosing oil onto the drive when we park it there. The last time I saw a car do all this was the Aston Martin DB5 in James Bond, Goldfinger. Any way its due for an MOT this week and a decision will have to be made I think, do we try and make it good again or cut our losses and buy another car? Either way its going to cost money we could ill afford to spend but we have to have a car!

We are using the monitor for the first time right now, bath time was 21:00 and Reagan was in her own bed and asleep by 21:50 after having sleeping beauty read to her by mommy. I was thinking I may read ‘Your Wondering Now’ The Specials Story, when its my turn to read? I don’t think it matters what you read I think it matters that you read and she hears your voice so I will try it when my chance comes.