B plan

Having a plan for tea was a master stroke enabling me to be able to relax early after completing another week at work which ended with me working hard on the phones so I was looking forward to hotdogs very little washing up and the sofa

Daddy I am going to my friends I need a lift there and back mum knows about it, it’s for church!

I unfortunately did not take this news very well at 5pm straight after finishing work now only having 2 hours to walk Billy go to the store and feed us before taking Reagan to someone’s house at 7.

She then added oh I am eating there so no need to cook

Lincoln and me ended up having hotdogs and watching Stand By Me

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Hate feeling jealous

Talking to Jamie has become rare and the highlight of the days but if I’m cut short by others  needing her more my mood changes and I have an overwhelming feeling of jealousy.

She is something to everyone but everything to me….

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Lonely in a world of people

A mate shouted “Are you lonely on your own?” as I walked Billy tonight he was being funny after seeing my Facebook posts and knowing Jamie was in America.I joked: “Yes I have to cook me own tea, but don’t tell her I said!”

Walking back home I really did feel lonely maybe because it had been posted out and probably because I was now thinking about what he said and associated my feeling with the word but that’s it I do miss just being with Jamie and sharing my life with her.

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Nightmares

Jamie said tonight “It’s Sunday nights you struggle with, when I’m away” and thinking about it she couldn’t be more wrong. Sundays are great because I have football to occupy and take my mind away but sitting here tonight watching anything on YouTube to fill the time before going to bed on me, I think this is the time I really miss her most when we just love being together doing nothing but achieving everything we want to be

Yeh that’s what I miss the most not Sundays…its just not fun on me own!

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Denver 2 – 2

After twatching the first 2 weeks of losing football I had accepted that it was going to be a long season with a rookie quarterback and that was OK. Last week beating a high scoring Tampa Bay holding them to just 7 points it was great to think we were not going to lose every game this season but tonight we beat the Jets 10 – 9 in the ugliest game you could ever imagine.

The thing is our defense is playing light out football and Bo Nix threw his first touchdown and no interceptions and Al of a sudden we are 2 and 2 with hope. If we don’t win another game it would be disappointing but it gives Bo a chance to develop without the pressure of not feeling a winning Sunday

GoBroncos

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Saturday

The kids are fine if they’re fed the sun came out it was cold but I spent the day in me shed apart from horse riding and cooking

Selfish bad dad

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Keep busy

The only thing I can do is try to keep busy to take my mind away from not having me best around. I know she would say there are loads of jobs around the house that I could do but there’s keeping busy and there’s keeping busy with a smile.

I love going to my shed once I know the kids are ok, I know that does not mean ‘Mommy OK’ but I’m not Mommy. They are happy enough to be left alone to get on with whatever they want and just need guidance for the rest of the essential stuff.

Today I went to me shed after dog walking horseriding and that’s where I stayed until the kids were hungry again. I made kebabs washed up the disappeared back to their rooms and I sat and watched a documentary on Joe Calzagie before bed

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It’s not easy, but

Jamie is where she should be right now I am sure she feels selfish for extending her trip to be at a sad family event to 3 weeks but it was £800 to be there for a weekend or for 3 weeks so some quality time alone with her Mom and Dad is exactly what she needs and for no extra cost…

It’s not easy giving her away for so long but as I said last week Jim and Jacks passing so close together leaving Pam the last sibling needs healing and Jamie being there allows her to know her Mom is gonna be ok rather than guessing what’s actually going on over  video chat.

I don’t like being away from her for a day or two when she’s goes down to London but this is different and I just needed to encourage her to take advantage of the opportunity but I am now secretly counting down the days Jeez we did over a hundred back in the day so 14 should be a doddle

…but these days are different!

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Organisation

I went to me shed tonight to finish off the second cabinet which I’d been desperate to do since Tuesday but life was in the way. Having the right tools is most of the solution but having them accessible and ultimately stored where you can use them is the rest. I think I am getting there but absolutely love the process. The bonus right now is it takes me mind away while I am in there

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Help me, please!

We seem to have given up on this? Clothes I washed thrown on floor towels not put away no beds made cups glasses cans festering shoes all over the place the kitchen with lunch stuff just left and dirty dishes not washed IF YOU DO NOT DO YOUR “DAILY” YOU WILL LOSE YOUR PHONE FOR A DAY EACH TIME!

I had to ask the kids for help this morning because once they left for school I walked around the house and it was like they’d forgotten the promise they’d made to Mommy to just do their jobs and it was disappointing

I got home and they’d pulled together and sorted what I’d pointed out and although I did praise their effort but I stressed I need them to do it everyday….

We’ll see?

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