It’s weird watching the kids experience hotel life brewing up at 10 pm eating the complimentary biscuits showering before bed using the  complimentary soap just cramming all they can into this new experience.

We spent the day at Warwick Castle with Uncle Ian & Auntie Patty always a really great experience being in their company. After a meal at the Queen & Castle everyone except me got in the car and drove back to the hotel while I volunteered to walk which only took me 11 minutes arriving to our room with Lincoln in the shower and Reagan bathroom ready waiting her turn.

Once he vacated the bathroom it was like watching an old married couple draining the rooms recourses like it would be gone by tomorrow…which it is now…ironically.

Jamie is already asleep

She said, “Don’t call the doctor, I want to fall asleep peacefully, with your hand in mine.” He told her about the past, how they met, their first kiss. they didn’t cry, they smiled.

They didn’t regret anything, they were grateful. Then she repeated softly, ‘I love you forever!’ He returned her words, gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. She closed her eyes and fell asleep peacefully with her hand in his.

Love is really all that matters because everyone comes into this world with nothing other than love and leaves with nothing other than love.
Think about it. Profession, career, bank account, our goods are just tools, nothing more.

Everything stays here. So just love….
love those that really love you. Love, as if there was nothing more important in your life! ???? #love #Respect #Inspiration

#Donteverleavemedude

Lincoln came home exhausted after school sports day having been involved practically all day and was not too keen to gather ant remaining momentum to go to cricket practice later. The weather would probably have put paid to it anyway but I felt it was probably going to be a step too far anyway…?

We had heard from his sister that one of his class had slapped him at school so I broached the subject with him once he’d had time to get changed and he told me a boy from his class was not taking part as he usually would have been so Lincoln asked if he was OK, only for the boy to tell Lincoln to “Fuck off you American Cunt!” and slap him across the face while doing so.

To Lincoln’s absolute credit he walked away gathered himself and went and told a teacher what had just occurred. The teacher told both boys to write down their accounts of what happened and after considering them said there was not enough evidence to reprimand either so go back to as you were…

Wait, what? So Lincoln is a liar then and the fact that he is white and his nationality was used does not matter that has no racist connotations and the physical violence is to be dismissed as it never happened ?

If Lincoln had been black and the N word was used instead of American what do we think would have happened then, what would have been done when his Mom emailed the school then?

Consider how Lincoln felt not being believed

Consider how his Mom felt being told her son had not been assaulted or racially abused

I feel proud that he did not retaliate and he had the courage to do the right thing and tell a teacher but I am enraged that he is now in their eyes a liar.

Consider how Lincoln will behave next time something like this happens why would he restrain himself and why if he did would he bother telling anyone if they are not going to believe him.

What has he been taught today?

July the 4th has been a day I have celebrated, even if it was only putting the stars and stripes on the front of the house, but other times parties big parties…!

Tonight I sat eating tea with Lincoln while he told me a story, which only he could make into a long drawn out yarn about a history lesson he had today at school that involved him having to ask the teacher what date it was. It was just another day for him and for me in which we just did normal stuff well except I went to vote for our next government, I guess thats not exactly the norm?

With the girls on an adventure in Amsterdam to see Taylor Swift easily the BIGGEST star on the planet right now and Reagans absolute idol and as I sit writing I have seen videos of my daughter actually weeping with joy watching Tay Tay just living her BEST life. A treat her mom broke her bank for, but I know the moment had to be now, today, to be the experience of a lifetime and hopefully Reagan will appreciate the sacrifice and more importantly remember tonight for the rest of her life!

We have boxes all over the house right now because Jamie and I decided to transform the patio into an outdoor relaxation space and ordered Ratan sofas a firepit and a huge awning to cover the whole patio but they’re all unopened because it was our idea and it doesn’t seem right to open it and put it all together on me own.

I always feel sad when I am on me own or more accurately when Jamie is not here, I know I can cope I know there is nothing I can’t do but it’s just  easier when we’re together it’s definitely more fun when we’re together

It would be great to think we have two beautiful well rounded children because of anything I do when their mom has both of the in the forefront of her mind 24/7 and they are her first thought before anything else. It just means they have everything we can give them where as I am a lot more selfish but it all seems to work because I adore her and she is the glue that holds us all together as one…

Since Jamie brought one of her dad’s cigars back from America after me saying I need to smoke a cigar it has sat in the shelf above my desk in the bedroom. It was because I watched ‘The final dance’ a Netflix documentary about Michael Jordan in which he and all his team mates celebrated every success by smoking a really good cigar and I just thought it was something I needed to try…? The thing that has always stopped me was that it’s basically smoking which is definitely not a healthy thing to be doing and that is not something athlete’s should be doing let alone someone who does not exercise and drinks too much so its sat on the shelf for a year.

I have often thought about smoking it and found a million reasons to leave it there but it has always been the elephant in the room and should remain so but this afternoon I dropped off Lincoln and Mommy at church and Reagan is in France on a school trip I thought it was time. After tidying the garden and feeling somewhat accomplished and relaxed I set up a chair in the garden and with the sun beating down I sat down with a bottle of cider unwrapped it and lit up.

I had watched videos about how to smoke a cigar properly on numerous occasions but never dared  do it until now. I felt scared but being alone in the garden without the children to judge me allowed to relax and try to enjoy the experience. Once it was lit I had anxiety about smoking it wrong, a wierd thing to feel but began puffing away trying keep it lit as well as trying to savour the experience.

As I grew in to smoking a cigar I felt ‘naughty’ like I was doing something wrong but also that I am an adult and I had made a choice also. The only person who knew I was doing it was me, and I suppose my neighbours who would be getting the smoke drifting around the surrounding area?

After about 30 minutes it was quite enjoyable I suppose but it was all I could think about trying to keep it lit. It must have been altering my senses but because I was drinking also I wasn’t sure which was making me feel a bit woosey.

As I got to the ‘Stoggie’ stage the cigar experience  became more intense which to me became less enjoyable but I didn’t want to stop wanting to smoke the whole thing and blog the results. I was conscious that I did not want Lincoln to see me smoking as 7pm passed and I still had a couple of inches to go.

As I took my last draw my  mood immediately changed to feeling dirty and ashamed wanting to get rid of the evidence of ever doing what I had just done, throwing away everything but the butt which was still possibly lit and going for a shower and cleaning my teeth.

As I sit here writing this blog my mouth feels horrible and gross and making me regret the whole thing. Jamie appeared and out of Lincoln’s ear shot I admitted straightaway what I had done like some kind of illicit affair had taken place but also under questioning told her I could spend the rest of my life avoiding the same experience. All she said was that she was disappointed that I had done it alone because she loves the smell of cigar smoke.

I just want to get the taste out of my mouth right now!

Will I ever smoke another cigar maybe but I prefer being a non smoker more I think…!