Since Jamie brought one of her dad’s cigars back from America after me saying I need to smoke a cigar it has sat in the shelf above my desk in the bedroom. It was because I watched ‘The final dance’ a Netflix documentary about Michael Jordan in which he and all his team mates celebrated every success by smoking a really good cigar and I just thought it was something I needed to try…? The thing that has always stopped me was that it’s basically smoking which is definitely not a healthy thing to be doing and that is not something athlete’s should be doing let alone someone who does not exercise and drinks too much so its sat on the shelf for a year.
I have often thought about smoking it and found a million reasons to leave it there but it has always been the elephant in the room and should remain so but this afternoon I dropped off Lincoln and Mommy at church and Reagan is in France on a school trip I thought it was time. After tidying the garden and feeling somewhat accomplished and relaxed I set up a chair in the garden and with the sun beating down I sat down with a bottle of cider unwrapped it and lit up.
I had watched videos about how to smoke a cigar properly on numerous occasions but never dared do it until now. I felt scared but being alone in the garden without the children to judge me allowed to relax and try to enjoy the experience. Once it was lit I had anxiety about smoking it wrong, a wierd thing to feel but began puffing away trying keep it lit as well as trying to savour the experience.
As I grew in to smoking a cigar I felt ‘naughty’ like I was doing something wrong but also that I am an adult and I had made a choice also. The only person who knew I was doing it was me, and I suppose my neighbours who would be getting the smoke drifting around the surrounding area?
After about 30 minutes it was quite enjoyable I suppose but it was all I could think about trying to keep it lit. It must have been altering my senses but because I was drinking also I wasn’t sure which was making me feel a bit woosey.
As I got to the ‘Stoggie’ stage the cigar experience became more intense which to me became less enjoyable but I didn’t want to stop wanting to smoke the whole thing and blog the results. I was conscious that I did not want Lincoln to see me smoking as 7pm passed and I still had a couple of inches to go.
As I took my last draw my mood immediately changed to feeling dirty and ashamed wanting to get rid of the evidence of ever doing what I had just done, throwing away everything but the butt which was still possibly lit and going for a shower and cleaning my teeth.
As I sit here writing this blog my mouth feels horrible and gross and making me regret the whole thing. Jamie appeared and out of Lincoln’s ear shot I admitted straightaway what I had done like some kind of illicit affair had taken place but also under questioning told her I could spend the rest of my life avoiding the same experience. All she said was that she was disappointed that I had done it alone because she loves the smell of cigar smoke.
I just want to get the taste out of my mouth right now!
Will I ever smoke another cigar maybe but I prefer being a non smoker more I think…!
