Why bother if you have nothing to say, I walkedI went to work I drank I went to bed.
I was frightened today when I heard that Graham Thorpe took his own life after fighting depression for years, and it made me realise how close I came and how hard it is rise above those feelings when it would have been so much easier not to!
It’s a wonderful life
Loved being away in Patty and Ians company in Warwick and today in Stratford but when they said they had to leave we decided to go home too. 30? heat was lovely walking around Stratford but it eventually took its toll on us and we ended up sat in the shade of a tree by the Avon
…but its good to be back home!
It’s weird watching the kids experience hotel life brewing up at 10 pm eating the complimentary biscuits showering before bed using the complimentary soap just cramming all they can into this new experience.
We spent the day at Warwick Castle with Uncle Ian & Auntie Patty always a really great experience being in their company. After a meal at the Queen & Castle everyone except me got in the car and drove back to the hotel while I volunteered to walk which only took me 11 minutes arriving to our room with Lincoln in the shower and Reagan bathroom ready waiting her turn.
Once he vacated the bathroom it was like watching an old married couple draining the rooms recourses like it would be gone by tomorrow…which it is now…ironically.
Jamie is already asleep
I find it so difficult to occasionally put my thoughts down….
She said, “Don’t call the doctor, I want to fall asleep peacefully, with your hand in mine.” He told her about the past, how they met, their first kiss. they didn’t cry, they smiled.
They didn’t regret anything, they were grateful. Then she repeated softly, ‘I love you forever!’ He returned her words, gave her a soft kiss on the forehead. She closed her eyes and fell asleep peacefully with her hand in his.
Love is really all that matters because everyone comes into this world with nothing other than love and leaves with nothing other than love.
Think about it. Profession, career, bank account, our goods are just tools, nothing more.
Everything stays here. So just love….
love those that really love you. Love, as if there was nothing more important in your life! ???? #love #Respect #Inspiration
#Donteverleavemedude
Just spent a great couple of hours watching the Euro24 football final with Reagan, Lincoln was not interested and Mommy had travelled down to London earlier so it was just us. The game was between England who have not won anything since 1966 and Spain who have been the best team in the tournament so far. She was very interested in trying to understand what was going and just how important it was to every England supporter, having only seen on final 3 years ago when England lost to the Italians? Older supporters have had years of heartache never reaching a final until 2021 so Reagan must think we do this every couple of years. I stressed that we do not and that its the hope that kills you in the end hahaha
We experienced the game together the emotions of going 1 nil down the elation of equalising and seeing me bouncing up and down on the couch screaming and then the utter disappointment of Spain taking a 2 – 1 lead late in the game and winning the game and trophy.
I have to say I loved sharing this evening with my daughter even if we did not get the result we’d hoped for….!
Lincoln came home exhausted after school sports day having been involved practically all day and was not too keen to gather ant remaining momentum to go to cricket practice later. The weather would probably have put paid to it anyway but I felt it was probably going to be a step too far anyway…?
We had heard from his sister that one of his class had slapped him at school so I broached the subject with him once he’d had time to get changed and he told me a boy from his class was not taking part as he usually would have been so Lincoln asked if he was OK, only for the boy to tell Lincoln to “Fuck off you American Cunt!” and slap him across the face while doing so.
To Lincoln’s absolute credit he walked away gathered himself and went and told a teacher what had just occurred. The teacher told both boys to write down their accounts of what happened and after considering them said there was not enough evidence to reprimand either so go back to as you were…
Wait, what? So Lincoln is a liar then and the fact that he is white and his nationality was used does not matter that has no racist connotations and the physical violence is to be dismissed as it never happened ?
If Lincoln had been black and the N word was used instead of American what do we think would have happened then, what would have been done when his Mom emailed the school then?
Consider how Lincoln felt not being believed
Consider how his Mom felt being told her son had not been assaulted or racially abused
I feel proud that he did not retaliate and he had the courage to do the right thing and tell a teacher but I am enraged that he is now in their eyes a liar.
Consider how Lincoln will behave next time something like this happens why would he restrain himself and why if he did would he bother telling anyone if they are not going to believe him.
What has he been taught today?
At 3am this morning I was in the middle of a dream, which I can not remember the topic of, it ended with me being punched in the face, slightly concerning to think what the hell was I dreaming about to warrant physical violence? The weird thing was it actually hurt, I actually felt pain on my chin and then either side of my jaw which woke me up, only to find Jamie’s elbow resting on my jaw as she snored away next to me.
I was confused, being ripped from my slumber, trying to understand whether I had given her any reason to attempt such an MMA style ‘spinning elbow knockout’ move on me or was I just still asleep. The fact that she was snoring, blissfully unaware that she had potentially fractured my jaw, was proof enough that it was an “accident”
July the 4th has been a day I have celebrated, even if it was only putting the stars and stripes on the front of the house, but other times parties big parties…!
Tonight I sat eating tea with Lincoln while he told me a story, which only he could make into a long drawn out yarn about a history lesson he had today at school that involved him having to ask the teacher what date it was. It was just another day for him and for me in which we just did normal stuff well except I went to vote for our next government, I guess thats not exactly the norm?
With the girls on an adventure in Amsterdam to see Taylor Swift easily the BIGGEST star on the planet right now and Reagans absolute idol and as I sit writing I have seen videos of my daughter actually weeping with joy watching Tay Tay just living her BEST life. A treat her mom broke her bank for, but I know the moment had to be now, today, to be the experience of a lifetime and hopefully Reagan will appreciate the sacrifice and more importantly remember tonight for the rest of her life!
We have boxes all over the house right now because Jamie and I decided to transform the patio into an outdoor relaxation space and ordered Ratan sofas a firepit and a huge awning to cover the whole patio but they’re all unopened because it was our idea and it doesn’t seem right to open it and put it all together on me own.
I always feel sad when I am on me own or more accurately when Jamie is not here, I know I can cope I know there is nothing I can’t do but it’s just easier when we’re together it’s definitely more fun when we’re together
It would be great to think we have two beautiful well rounded children because of anything I do when their mom has both of the in the forefront of her mind 24/7 and they are her first thought before anything else. It just means they have everything we can give them where as I am a lot more selfish but it all seems to work because I adore her and she is the glue that holds us all together as one…
As parents we always want to be there for our children and that is especially true of Jamie who would cut off a finger if she had to to make either Reagan or Lincoln happy.
Tonight, we had one job, to collect Reagan when she arrived home after her school trip and we fell asleep only to be woken up by her best friends parents knocking on our door dropping off our distraught daughter.
Seeing her sobbing because we were not there at midnight leaving her on her own made me feel as bad as I have felt as a parent, it was a mistake, a big mistake but one I can’t change. It should not have happened. I should not have fallen asleep. I should have made sure my phone did not go on silent night mode, but it did.
Jamie has been excited all day keeping in touch with her and keeping up with the progress of the coach ride home. She missed her baby so badly while she was away lamenting regularly about how she will not cope when they leave home for good.
Reagan will never know the heartache her Mommy will suffer over the next few hours and days because, like me, she made a mistake. I know she is devastated, and would do anything to get a chance to go back just to be there when that couch pulled up but we don’t have that ability we have to own our mistakes however hard it is and move on and hope that Reagan is OK
As I lay here writing this, Jamie is desperately trying to, begin, to make it right firstly for her daughter but also in her own head, which may take longer.
Me, I let my daughter down tonight, and I regret that because it is making me feel awf but no matter how bad I feel I can’t imagine it comes close to how I made Reagan feel….