As my whole family watched the bottles fall from my backpack and smash on the floor it seemed symbolic that no matter how hard I try life just has no regard for my efforts, it just says Fuck You!

I would never not try my best but to go to work knowing non of my employers would cross the street to piss on me if they saw me on fire makes me feel how I felt tonight as I stood a pathetic failure in front of people that actually love me!

Work holds no joy anymore, only impending doom and misery, and that negativity is like a cancer

Cha cha cha cha change is required!

As expected the chaos and lack of planning became absolutely apparent when I returned to work today and it seems so demoralising to think this will not get any better…

The highlight for me should be getting the electrics finally sorted enough to get the dryer into Jamie’s shed?

But it goes to Jamie taking a dip in her new cold plunge pool, something I will never understand and on a really cold day I watched her question whether she was  crazy to even be stood in a bathing suit in the garden let alone be about to get into cold water….for fun?

She did it though and all credit to her mind over matter I won’t be doing it anytime soon. Sorry, let me rephrase will NEVER be doing!

I am glad I can make her laugh anytime though, even if she thinks laughter is the last thing she wants to be doing?

Denver needed to win and they’re in the playoffs but like last week fell short again versus the Bengals in overtime.  I wrote on social media straight after the game “Overtime, over achieving maybe, but it ain’t arf exciting! Disappointing to lose such a close game, we’re beginning to find out where we stand in the big scheme of things?”

We can still beat the Chiefs next week, and we’re in we still control our own destiny but this team was  ever expected to be in this position so I am enjoying every minute and looking forward to a brighter future.

I eeversed my car in to the gate this morning which royaly pissed me off I was rushing not concentrating and have no-one to blame but myself. It is just a car and can be fixed but that will take money I don’t have right now.

Jamie got another opportunity to preach again this time at MCC and absolutely nailed it with precision planning and impeccable and funny delivery that was engaging to the whole congregation young and old. In contrast Anthony the pastor talked for twice as long as her and basically said nothing which he does every time I go to church but it was highlighted listening to a structured consice message with a point in between his nonsense. To be there to witness Jamie’s first time preaching made me proud but today she went beyond that she is growing into something she loves doing.

The day ended with Sean, someone who I love spending time with and after taking Billy for a walk together we sat and watched NFL red zone and ate green chilli and talked I get a lot out of spending time with him I consider him a really good friend and its a shame we only get to see each other more often.

Focusing on the positives today was a good day!

Managing to relax finally after all the pressure of Christmas I spent the day pottering tidying the house a bit and getting Jamie’s bedding on the bed. Her face was an absolute picture as she snuggled into bed tonight, I think bedding was the best present not the booby prize as it was intended.