July the 4th has been a day I have celebrated, even if it was only putting the stars and stripes on the front of the house, but other times parties big parties…!

Tonight I sat eating tea with Lincoln while he told me a story, which only he could make into a long drawn out yarn about a history lesson he had today at school that involved him having to ask the teacher what date it was. It was just another day for him and for me in which we just did normal stuff well except I went to vote for our next government, I guess thats not exactly the norm?

With the girls on an adventure in Amsterdam to see Taylor Swift easily the BIGGEST star on the planet right now and Reagans absolute idol and as I sit writing I have seen videos of my daughter actually weeping with joy watching Tay Tay just living her BEST life. A treat her mom broke her bank for, but I know the moment had to be now, today, to be the experience of a lifetime and hopefully Reagan will appreciate the sacrifice and more importantly remember tonight for the rest of her life!

We have boxes all over the house right now because Jamie and I decided to transform the patio into an outdoor relaxation space and ordered Ratan sofas a firepit and a huge awning to cover the whole patio but they’re all unopened because it was our idea and it doesn’t seem right to open it and put it all together on me own.

I always feel sad when I am on me own or more accurately when Jamie is not here, I know I can cope I know there is nothing I can’t do but it’s just  easier when we’re together it’s definitely more fun when we’re together

It would be great to think we have two beautiful well rounded children because of anything I do when their mom has both of the in the forefront of her mind 24/7 and they are her first thought before anything else. It just means they have everything we can give them where as I am a lot more selfish but it all seems to work because I adore her and she is the glue that holds us all together as one…

Since Jamie brought one of her dad’s cigars back from America after me saying I need to smoke a cigar it has sat in the shelf above my desk in the bedroom. It was because I watched ‘The final dance’ a Netflix documentary about Michael Jordan in which he and all his team mates celebrated every success by smoking a really good cigar and I just thought it was something I needed to try…? The thing that has always stopped me was that it’s basically smoking which is definitely not a healthy thing to be doing and that is not something athlete’s should be doing let alone someone who does not exercise and drinks too much so its sat on the shelf for a year.

I have often thought about smoking it and found a million reasons to leave it there but it has always been the elephant in the room and should remain so but this afternoon I dropped off Lincoln and Mommy at church and Reagan is in France on a school trip I thought it was time. After tidying the garden and feeling somewhat accomplished and relaxed I set up a chair in the garden and with the sun beating down I sat down with a bottle of cider unwrapped it and lit up.

I had watched videos about how to smoke a cigar properly on numerous occasions but never dared  do it until now. I felt scared but being alone in the garden without the children to judge me allowed to relax and try to enjoy the experience. Once it was lit I had anxiety about smoking it wrong, a wierd thing to feel but began puffing away trying keep it lit as well as trying to savour the experience.

As I grew in to smoking a cigar I felt ‘naughty’ like I was doing something wrong but also that I am an adult and I had made a choice also. The only person who knew I was doing it was me, and I suppose my neighbours who would be getting the smoke drifting around the surrounding area?

After about 30 minutes it was quite enjoyable I suppose but it was all I could think about trying to keep it lit. It must have been altering my senses but because I was drinking also I wasn’t sure which was making me feel a bit woosey.

As I got to the ‘Stoggie’ stage the cigar experience  became more intense which to me became less enjoyable but I didn’t want to stop wanting to smoke the whole thing and blog the results. I was conscious that I did not want Lincoln to see me smoking as 7pm passed and I still had a couple of inches to go.

As I took my last draw my  mood immediately changed to feeling dirty and ashamed wanting to get rid of the evidence of ever doing what I had just done, throwing away everything but the butt which was still possibly lit and going for a shower and cleaning my teeth.

As I sit here writing this blog my mouth feels horrible and gross and making me regret the whole thing. Jamie appeared and out of Lincoln’s ear shot I admitted straightaway what I had done like some kind of illicit affair had taken place but also under questioning told her I could spend the rest of my life avoiding the same experience. All she said was that she was disappointed that I had done it alone because she loves the smell of cigar smoke.

I just want to get the taste out of my mouth right now!

Will I ever smoke another cigar maybe but I prefer being a non smoker more I think…!

Let me put my point of view here: I made a mistake and I felt embarrassed, which if you know me I struggle with but let me also say that at the AGM every year they(he) want people to join this league and the Summer League is a fun league yet tonight at 3 all they all coached Izacc to stay where he was and allow me “approach the table” and then shout “frame away” at that point for me the frame was over! It’s only a fun league until ALB makes a mistake, he should know better and this frame means more to TX than ‘fun’
That rule also meant more to ‘him’ than timing at that point because it benefited TX
The man’s a CUNT

Spent yesterday afternoon travelling to London to watch Echobelly at the Lafeyette, we had a lovely meal at a posh Chippy before the gig.

The venue was OK very intimate but because we arrived 15 minutes before showtime it was difficult to find a good spot as it was sold out. We eventually settled for the auditorium to the left of the stage and during the show made our way nearer the front.

Echobelly were great and because of the early stage time we left in good time to have a few drinks afterwards at a bar local to the hotel.

Still buzzing (not just my ears) we made it back to the hotel, having had a great night out without kids…

I stood at 10pm making a sandwich last night after watching Lincoln play cricket at Alsager starving hungry but desperately not reaching for the wine hoping that I can have a night off…jeez it’s nearly bedtime you don’t need it!