Time to step up?

I felt I had to send a message to my pool team tonight after getting soundly beaten and listening to one or two individuals losing faith in the process…

Winning is easy losing is the hardest but it either strengthens you or breaks you, tonight I had to be a captain!

“This is your captain speaking, I have not spent the last 30 years taking this team from championship winning relevance to bottom of the table obscurity, to let shithouses and gobshites from Middlewich and District ruin our Wednesday night out…

At the moment it is tough, when we are getting beat and we have to sit and listen to shithouses and gobshites living up to their names but we have great potential and its by small margins in each of our frames that we are not punishing and capitalising on opportunities.

If we stick together better times will come, it was the best feeling when JEB sank that double to beat Eight Farmers and that is the reason I keep coming back each week, because we can get results like that, and sticking together is the only way to get more nights like that!

All I can say is I’ll do my best as captain and the only thing I ask in return is you do your best when playing your frame. Beyond that there is not much I can do, I love being Steventons Pool Team captain and would hate to think the last 30 years of failures was my fault!

Let’s beat White Lion next week have a good night and forget tonight!”

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Disappointment

I lay in the bath tonight and it occurred to me that this job offer can only disappoint me now?

I lay there and realised that I have got my head round leaving my job now, if the offer was good enough, I think I have started feeling excited about the prospect, which is definitely not what I am used to but it would be nice to get the ball rolling.

The link for the job arrived today and after work it was my first job to respond and upload my CV but the link didn’t work which was so frustrating when all I want to do is find out more about this opportunity.

The biggest disappointment was bursting into the bedroom to impart this revelation to Jamie only to find the bedroom in darkness and her asleep….

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High Deaf

Today I was made aware of my inability to hear high frequency noise, something I knew about to a certain extent from a hearing test I had back in my Ideal Standard days when after about 30 seconds an ear splitting noise jolted me and the nurse asked if that is the first sound I heard because she thought her machine had broken so turned it up. It was and she informed me that I had hearing loss at high frequency which at the time didn’t bother me but yesterday did especially coupled with the tinnitus I experience 24/7 getting worse I think I need to go get a hearing test.

The straw that broke the camels back this morning was two nurses laughing at me because I could not hear the annoying noise the fan within a switch was making that they could not bear yet I could not hear, I know they were telling the truth about the noise but so was I…I could not hear anything!

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Half Term

Kids enjoyed a lie in this morning, dreaming of a whole week chillin’ but it was work as normal for Mommy and me which was OK because without the school morning stress we both had a nice leisurely start.

My day consisted of work coupled with anticipation of the job link, possibly arriving and broken up by the funeral of my mates sister Ann Rice. I went representing Steventons Pool Team which she and her husband had a lot to do with through the years and she deserved some recognition of that, and the lads donated £100 to St Lukes in her honour.

Not having slept the best yet again I lay on the couch trying to stay awake for as long as I could but woke up alone and join Mommy in bed at 11 o’clock lol

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I’ve started fantasizing

As days go today was a pretty good day, although listening to India slaughter England in the third test was not the perfect start I as you could probably guess spent the rest of the day in me shed. I finally managed to get some real headway done on me bench and loved just fettling away on me own working through the issues of getting everything square.

While I was out there, I got a text about this new job possibility, and it got me thinking about different people’s reactions if I handed my notice in and who it would affect the most…? Its wierd because on one hand I would regret leaving what I know and colleagues I care about but there are so many others that it would feel good to tell and maybe inconvenience them a little bit?

I would like to hear something this week as soon as possible because my mind is all over the place, not knowing what sort of opportunity is on the table….

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Saturday stroll

The highlight of my Saturday was walking with Jamie and Billy around the meres near Shakerley, after dropping Reagan off at horse riding. It was a lovely morning the sun shone a bit although it was extremely muddy in places after a lot of overnight rain

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Ice Ice Maybe

Tonight, we took Reagan and Lincoln to Altrincham ice ring for their last lesson of the six Mommy purchased at Christmas but even though both children love skating we had to bring these Fridays to an end because over the next few weeks we are not available to take them.

Reagan end her lessons passing level two and was handed both certificates as she left the ice. Lincoln left with a level one pass but because he missed that one lesson due to injury he missed out on the second certificate.

It’s a shame ww can’t carry on, but at £14 each per lesson and no refund if they miss a lesson it is just daft to throw money away like that so we said that if we have the time and money over the coming weeks we can go to practice, maybe.

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Millions change jobs every day

Like I said a few days ago the courting I have experienced feels like I am being headhunted but until there is a job offer on the table how can I be excited how can I say whether its an opportunity or not?

It’s scarey to move jobs and until I see the alternative I just don’t know, nor can I decide if a new beginning is better than listening to the band play on the deck of the titanic as it slips below the waves, hoping….?

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If you’re drowning

Sometimes, life can be so relentless and can feel overwhelming that you feel like you’re drowning, but you can’t get out of the water.

At work I have felt like am drowning for a long time but recently there has been something to cling to, to save me I just have to swim towards it…?

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How life can change

A big part of adult life is working to make ends meet, and we all struggle with the daily “drudge” of going to work, but having a job you like is always a huge help. I think Jamie has the ability to do anything and has a dream job with so much kudos in any conversation when she mentions ‘Harley Street’ but she’ll still find the relentlessness of earning money tough and the ease if which it is spent!

It has been well documented just how much being the Willows IT Manager was my dream job and that since 2011, I have given my all to make the Willows work and just help people. Since 2018  my job has been slowly eroded to the point, a few months ago, where it was making me feel mentally ill, and I felt there wasn’t much point to anything that was worrying me. It showed me how much my work life is important to my whole well-being and that I needed to let whatever it was that I was holding onto because it was not worth making myself ill. I was even summoned to a meeting by my boss that was definitely not “disciplinary” (?) during this time where they told me I was negative and needed to re-evaluate…

I told them I had never been negative and always tried to do the very best for the Willows, but my ‘worth’ has been undermined, and I am no longer heard? It wasn’t easy to change my mindset without letting my work ethic slip or moral belief that you should try to do your best every day, go.

In October, it was announced that five people, at Langdale House, the office where I work, were going to be made redundant, and they could all apply for three jobs. I represented Susan, one of the accounts staff that had to apply for their own job, and if unsuccessful, she would be made redundant, and I witnessed how poorly VP treated her and the other four colleagues.

Now that I have let my dream job go I am able to just do the job and not stress over not being able to manage it is OK, I just do my job. It is still interesting to see the mixed messages from my line manager and VP to the point where it just seems like a joke how they are treating me.

Today, I spent the day installing all new hardware at Lymm, and it was even more interesting quizzing the two IT guys from corporate headquarters, because it became very apparent that all the idiots who had made me feel so worthless were also viewed in the same light by these guys too!

Imagine how this makes me feel when coupled with the fact that since my line manager went off work with stress my job has become so much more important because people have to ask me for assistance, help and basically to do the job I am paid for

…but has my head already been turned?

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