Darkness comes easy

I said a few weeks ago that I said I occasionally dared myself to allow dakness back into my life, something that scares me a lot but something I need to know I am in control of and I was shocked to find that no matter what I did it just wasn’t there! That was a revelation for me that for so long I have had to concentrate on being positive and looking on the bright side and appreciating the now and realising I hadn’t even thought about being anything other than happy and content for however long it had been…wow!

This happy place is all about constants and consistency normal and normality. I just like being me and change or surprises don’t thrill me at all, but the worse thing right now is not feeling appreciated at work and although I can usually grin and bear it recently my guard has dropped  and so has my mood to the point where I can feel the darkness there and I don’t even have to look for it.

Annoyingly I have felt the need to concentrate again to make sure I am in control and that the 10% doesn’t affect the 90% it’s only been a few days but I am aware.

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Then it must be me

If I can’t find someone to blame, then it must be me!

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Nights like that

Pool can be a chore sometimes when the mi d is willing but the body let’s me down, but tonight I was magnificent I couldn’t miss and saw everything in HD one frame. I won shook the guys hand and sat down oh how I wish I could play like that every night

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The struggle

I had looked towards a meeting today at 13:30 today when my boss and line manager had implied they would be finally going to let me know “the plan” and I had prepared to put my point of view to get it off my chest also.

As I took a breath and pressed ‘Join’ on Teams I was ready to listen and I was ready move forward so long as I got my point across so I sat and waited to be admitted to the meeting and I waited…?

After 15 minutes of waiting, I gave up it was just another unprofessional way to say to me how little I matter how disrespectful they have been since I started to work for them.

No regrets but damn talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire! The Willows had run its course, and I needed out, but this is becoming ridiculous

I feel I am working VERY hard to go nowhere with no support from anywhere, and I don’t understand why and they don’t give a fuck its absolutely demoralising!

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What do you want?

If I am ever asked “What do you want?” by the most beautiful person I have ever met there will be only one answer

YOU!

I love, YOU!

All I ever want and crave is YOU!

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French ‘Hawk Tua’ cleats

They’ll always be cleats to me but I made one today

I got a lot of chisels and maybe they’re not the most important tool in my armoury right now but “just make something” and I think I did a pretty good job?

I can make lots of them now I did one but my aim is to make stuff to sell and I decided to buy plans something I felt I didn’t need to do but I heard a guy on YouTube say you need to start and others have worked out all the stuff so you can just build something…

So I bought plans

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Saturday

Got up and took Bill for a short walk before getting ready and going church for a gentlemans breakfast and listen to the Gideons. Needed to be done by 10:30 because I’d promised to call into a Salon in town to help them out with a Sonos issue, which actually turned out to be a training issue which took 10 minutes.

For me the main event apart from picking up Jamie and Reagan from the train station later was going to Howarth Timber to look at wood for my first saleable project, which again only took 10 minutes but was exactly what I needed to do so I could visualise what I was going to be ordering this week.

Picked the girls up and spent the rest of my Saturday pottering and watching Tv

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Coming of age part 1

We bowled tonight and air hockied followed by some pool in the Legion and I stood talking to Lincoln tonight as our tea cooked and we’re the same height

How’d that happen ?

Tonight was a good night

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#bestlife

I put my daughter on a train at Crewe to go and meet her mom who had mistakenly bought a first class ticket a month earlier. The look on Reagan’s face as she took her seat and the waiter placed a cloth place Mt in front of her and asked her what she would like was an absolute picture.

To hear that the train was an hour late into Euston was a disaster for Mommy stood waiting but it was heaven for my daughter who got to be a princess for longer

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Winning feels good

Having to concentrate just to maintain good mental health all the time can be stressful in itself but when I go out and socialise it des take me away briefly which is great but tonight my team Steventons won and that felt great.

I potted the winning black and I’ll take that as the sign I had good day

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