I learned more about a work colleague in three and a half hours today than I had learned in 8 months and all it took was to listen without prejudice, something I have learned from Jamie.

A young lad that doesn’t talk a lot, very clever but  everyone introduced him as autistic and not talkative is just how expected him to be but our employer has left us the last remaining out of 8.

Maybe that changed things but today I arranged a meeting to discuss the tickets on a list to see if between us we could close of as many tickets and showing trust in his opinion, being confident in the solutions he was giving and most of all listening to what he had to say just opened the floodgates.

At 18:30 an hour and half after I should have signed off for Christmas I reluctantly had to sign off because I had things to do but as I did I knew so much about him and I think he loved telling me his story without being judged and in return I told him my story.

It was probably the best way to finish for Christmas because it made me feel good too…

Not the best day, finally had my meeting with the bosses and was told the plan, and as I suspected they’re all gone everyone except me. There is a plan but nothing in place yet so in their words, it going to be “Bumpy” in the new year. Give me strength!

After the meeting I had to go to the funeral of my cousins husband and that was heartbreaking to watch the two boys talk about their dad.

My mood was not great for the rest of the day I made tea walked Bill and went to bed because the Broncos play at 01:15 so hopefully that will be a win and get Friday off to a better start!

Not having the best time at work right now and apart from Jamie I don’t get a chance to talk to anybody other than customers with problems so it was good to get out and chat with my pool team. Just have a beer and get stuff off my chest was good even though we didn’t win I felt better when I got home.

With work being so annoying at the moment it really does affect my mood they need to tell me what is going on and then I can process it but to make everyone redundant and leave me not letting me know their plan is annoying and worrying

I just need to get to the end of the day and chill a glass of wine and Jamie that’s when I am happiest!

Crying won’t change anything, will worrying make it worse probably so I am going to do neither but that said today I cried when everyone except me were told they do not have a job Merry Christmas and I was left worrying what the hell I am supposed to do now…

I am left working from home alone with 130 customers with my phone number and my bosses don’t have the good grace or where with all to even speak to me and let me know the plan

The reason I cried and the reason I worry is my need to work I need to provide and not let my family down but I can’t die trying! Bad times await!

I just crave joy….

To watch my teenage children still loving church and taking part in the nativity says so much of how Jamie is still guiding both brilliantly. Lincoln was superb as a puppeteer and got some great laughs it was great to hear him and see him performing!

Reagan and her friends danced and sang beautifully and it was very difficult not to shed a tear as I almost burst with pride as she shone with confidence and grace.

Nannie was sat next to me and that meant so much to share it with her, neither of us knowing what to expect were both thoroughly entertained and completely biased on the stars of the show!

Next came Mom’s first opportunity to preach which she ABSOLUTELY NAILED and Reagan Lincoln and me were there to experience it with her! Nervous before she got up infront of the congregation and owned the space because she’d prepared (I would have expected nothing less) and not only made a point was entertaining too.

To be their husband and father just makes me feel so proud WOW!

We set off to Chester early to watch Lincoln’s drama group perform at the Freedom Church and once we dropped him and Cody off me and Reagan went for some breakfast and wait for Mommy to arrive.

She had been in London for her Christmas party so was travelling direct and when she arrived she let us know it wasn’t the best journey she’d ever had but once she had chance to relax and breath we made our way back to the church.

We have seen a couple of performances by his drama group and they are a bit strange but they all seem to love performing, so that’s the main thing and that we are there to support Linc!

Afterwards, we wandered around the Christmas markets and shops like Pimarni before going home for a Chinese and chill.

Reagan asked if she could cook steak for tea and I said why not, because Mommy was down in London and I didn’t fancy cooking.

She did really well although it took a long time to get Steak and chips on the plate. The steaks were perfect really tasty and she should be proud!

Since ClearCourse implied that they do not see any future in where I work, I have felt really disappointed and embarrassed that I left a job that wasn’t fulfilling me to join a company that for a fleeting moment allowed me to breathe I didn’t have a care between 5 and 9 and just did my job between 9 and 5 it was so refreshing really really refreshing and I loved it.

To now be working from home during this debacle I am now sat in front of my computer in a bedroom not having an adversary, no-one to sound off to or talk through anything. I have absolutely no backing from my bosses or anyone above me or ‘below me’ so I just have no joy in my working life anymore

I have started watching the final song performed by the Sex Pistols at San Francisco Winterland on 14 January 1978 over and over

… because it sums up EXACTLY how I feel right now. I am so frustrated and that video makes me feel better about my feelings!

“ever get the feeling you’ve been cheated”